There is nothing as relaxing as listening to the soothing voice of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes as she tells you her stories. I have listened to the Mother Night series a few times in my life. The first time was in September of last year during a very dark time in my life where I had been brought to my knees actually by an experience that I had with some people that I felt were my friends. I was exhausted, wounded and broken.
Underneath the experience I hung on to my knowing that there was still something valuable, a light inside of myself, somewhere that was still burning even though I felt so broken. Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes Mother Night series helped me to see that I was still valuable to the world.
Once I saw that I still had a flicker of light inside, I realized that I had a choice. I could either pull up my socks and carry on with life and paint over the pain or I could roll up my sleeves and look closely at myself and own my part in the events that had brought me to such a sad place.
I chose the later. I allowed myself to go through all of it, every single feeling. Feelings of despair, sadness, pain, loneliness, feelings of being abandoned, unworthy and of feeling unloved. I sat with them. I questioned them. I looked back to see where they may have come from. I questioned the stress associated around each one of them and as each of the feelings or thoughts came up I saw clearly that there were other ways of doing things, ways that work. What was missing inside of me that drew me into a situation where I shed all of my boundaries and allowed myself to get sucked in , pulled into this vacuum while knowing the whole time that things weren’t right – but did it anyhow?
I saw that I was stuck in a prison of my own mind.
I saw in that moment that because I believed all of my own thoughts, (that were actually lies that I was telling myself) I was reacting and feeling things in a very different, and often unhealthy way and that this had caused ME, and others a lot of suffering
The day that I made that discovery was the day that my ego had been waiting for. P.A.R.T..Y…TIME !
That was the day I started to become UNSTUCK .
I looked at my own thoughts and I saw clearly all of the many reasons that I was living in the jail of my own mind. I questioned everything and every single idea and very slowly, I became free.
Had I not been what I felt was thrown to the side of the road by others, struggling on the floor of the damp cave of this extreme sadness and despair I would have never had the opportunity or insight or reason to pick up my own mirror. What I once lay on the floor crying about had now become my biggest gift.
As author and speaker Byron Katie says ask yourself three questions about your thoughts. Put them down on paper and question them?
- Is it true right now in this moment?
- Can you absolutely know that this is true?
- Who would you be without that thought?
- Turn the thought around and put an “I” in front of it.
The mind has a job. When it thinks a thought its job is to prove that it is right. Can you really know another person’s mind or heart?
This helped me to understand that compassion was the magic potion. Compassion for myself and for everyone in the world around me, especially people in my past that I felt had hurt or betrayed me as they too had stories and lies that had brought them to where they were that I could never truly understand and know.
It was because I could not see into the hearts and minds of others to really know what they were thinking that I could not be absolutely sure that my thoughts were truth. Light bulb moment. DING
It then became my own job to unmask and question every thought and look at how these thoughts made me feel. Where did they come from? This is where the work part comes in. I ripped off every bandaid that had been placed in my mind by my own past experiences and I looked at myself and who I was. Things clearly weren’t working well for that person and it isn’t who I wanted to be .
It was through this work that I met a more healed version of me and an even more authentic side of the beautiful creative soul that I was all along. Going through rather then around something is something that most people avoid. Life gets busy and It is hard. It is often easier to just keep going and not stop. I takes courage and it can take days and months of work. Yet aren’t we always supposed to be evolving and growing? I think its essential.
For anyone that may be reading this and may see themselves in this same place I say to you
“Question all of your thoughts as they come up. Dig in, grab your mirror and dust it off and take a good, honest look at yourself. Don’t put your mirror too far back the drawer, Honey, keep it handy as evolving is work and we all need to check ourselves in the mirror along the way.” (me)
Welcome to the work.
This is the space where you will meet yourself.
Listen to Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Tap into Byron Katie They will help you find your way out
Here is the LINK to Byron Katie’s Video on releasing yourself from the Prison of your own mind..